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moving to a new place

life is fucked up in more ways than one.

i just want everything to be better.

*won't be online for a while, no internet connection in new place yet.


I am down 1 pound, I hover around 140-142 on the scale.

when I'm not on a water fast, i'm in an intermittent fast

when i'm not  on a water fast, I make sure I do an hour of cardio

it's all good

hope you guys are doing well.

*the dopamine is seeping through my veins.* it's an awesome high!

exercise exercise exercise!!

Day 3

Just finished Day 3 of my water fast

Oh my god, almost ate something on the way home from school today! good thing I resisted =]

lost 8 lbs so far, can't wait to see end results by the end of day 14. If I like what I see, I might prolong it until Day 21, or Day 30 even!

I'm starting to feel some jealousy building up between me and my sister. She's criticizing my way of eating and is trying her very best to get me out of water fasting. ... i just wish she could be more supportive of me sometimes, i mean, i support her in all the weight loss she's tried to do in the past. i never said a thing about her eating habits, never commented on it, never made harsh remarks or anything. We weigh the same now, by the way, but I still look sooooo much freakin fatter than she is.

Anyway, I just really want to complete this fast.. I'm hoping to be in the 120s by the end of day 14!

also, I'm never really hungry anymore.. what just ruins my fasts are the boredom and my head wreaking havoc on me all the time. I just want to stay put somewhere and avoid as much social situations as possible. I don't want to go to school anymore, i'm so unhappy there.. and I have no idea where my life is heading to anymore. I need help.

Someone please offer some bit of advice on how I can get my life back on track. I just want for everything to be OK.

Day 2

Just finished Day 2 of my water fasts.

I was in a pissed off mood all day. I swear, I just hated everything that happened, everything that I saw. just fucking pissed the shit out of me.. But I felt so much better when I got home, immediately went to bed and now, I'm wide awake 5 hours later. This happens all the time. I'm always .. well, how should I say it? It seems like every time I'm on a diet or fasting, I seem to need less and less sleep! But yea, the most dangerous thing now is the boredom, because boredom makes me want to EAT.

It's funny, I am almost never hungry anymore, but then my head wreaks havoc with me. Today is Day 3, and this day is usually the hardest to get through, since I get REALLY light-headed, dizzy and generally just sick to my stomach. The headaches are frequent too.

Anyway, I weighed myself today, and the scale says I lost 2 kgs in the span of two days. I say that was pretty OK progress, but I know they're all just water weight or something like that. But I'm confident enough that I'll be able to lose at least a pound a day during the water fast.

People are starting to question my eating habits (the lack), and it gets me really ANNOYED. I mean, go start fucking complaining when i'm actually thin enough!! What the fuck is the use of trying to talk sense of not dieting to a fatass? Fuck, they annoy me so fucking much. None of them fucking understands. They all want me to stay fat and miserable forever.

My sister found out about my water fast, and she's saying I'm fucking crazy. What the fuck, it's not like she's not on a fricking restriction diet herself? She's barely eating either and she has the nerve to call me out and go tell my mom? Who then insists to tell my fucking friend that I'm fasting. Therefore, everyone thinks I'm a friggin weirdo now. A fatass who's desperate enough to starve herself. Well, thank you very much. That is my family for you.

I don't know, I'm just so fucking pissed off right now when I do talk about it. I hate it when people publicise my way of eating. It's just been a personal thing since forever and they should KNOW that I get really insecure when they start talking about my weight issues. =/ ... I have another thing that's driving me to lose weight right now.

My sister always has been the pretty one, the one all the guys wooed, and all that. I just want to be skinnier than her. I want to step on a scale, and see that my weight is WAY below what her scale reads. Yes. Call it competition. She's made my life miserable ever since I remember, and she's one of the main reasons i have such a low self-esteem and low self-confidence. She tortured me during my younger days with her taunts and cruel jokes about my weight... which then led me to eating more since I was so fucking depressed. And now, I've ballooned to this weight. Fuck this. I'm sick of it all. I'm completing this water fast once and for all.

I want to prove to my sister that I can do it, so she can no longer torment me with taunts. Fuck.

Day 1

Day 1 of water fasting, doing great, feeling great.

Went out to look for a new place to live with my mom.. we found a place that's very suitable for us and I can't wait to start moving in. I'm going to write as much as I can now because the internet connection will most likely be cut for a week or two.

Anyway, what did you guys do for Halloween? Me? I was miserable. I didn't do shit since I was so insecure about how I look. I would've wanted to have fun etcetera.. anyway, I'm not exactly the most sociable person in the world either. I would like more friends, and the only way is to lose the fucking weight. I'm dead set to the fact that people will only find me interesting to talk to if I was thin.

Fuck. My goal is to break into the 130s by the end of the water fast. I feel great and I'm determined enough to get through this! I have a school talent show to look forward to.. and my reward after completing the 14 day fast? I will post a new picture for my profile in facebook!

3:39 pm
Life is going bananas. Fuck this life. i want to be skinny.

Water Fasting

woah. i weigh 70 kg. that's 152 pounds. I gained almost ten pounds as a result of a week of binging on carbs.

Today is a start of a new month. I'm going back to the start. I'm planning a 14day water fast to jump start my weight loss. I need to accomplish this, and I'm gonna need lots of support and love from everyone.

Right now, I'm mostly concentrated in losing enough weight in time for the school talent fair. Which is sometime near the third week of November. Anyway.. I don't know why, but I feel great. I'm just ready to jump start my weight-loss program once again!

Reward when I finish my 14 day water fast:
Hopefully I'll start fitting into size 28 jeans! (I'm a 30 atm)

I really want to lose weight/FAT.. I want to get a freakin' boyfriend!!! I want people to start noticing me in school, to be talked about because of my determination and will power to abstain from food!

i'm gonna need all the love, guys!


26/10 ( Sunday ) Juice Fast
27/10 ( Monday ) Juice Fast/ Fruits/ Vegetables
28/10 (Tuesday) Juice Fast/ Fruits/ Vegetables
29/10 (Wednesday) Juice Fast/Fruits/ Vegetables
30/10 (Thursday) Juice Fast/ Fruits/ Vegetables
31/10 (Friday) Caesar's Salad
1/11 (Saturday) Caesar's Salad

2/11 (Sunday) Water Fast
3/11 (Monday) Water Fast
4/11 (Tuesday) Water Fast
5/11 (Wednesday) Water Fast
6/11 (Thursday) Water Fast
7/11 (Friday) Water Fast
8/11 (Saturday) Water Fast

I'm weighing myself on 9/11, Sunday ^^

WHO's  WITH ME?! please comment!


I'm made of fucking fail.

ate about 2000 calories yesterday.


Day 3

Took in 500 calories today, instead of the 300 calories I should've done. =/

Stepped into the scale.. I'm down 1 pound. Still not enough weight loss, in my opinion =/ I've been eating less than 500 calories the past two days. I look half dead. My face is as white as chalk, and my lips are white/purplish... I don't care. I just want to be skinny.

Compensated the extra 200 calories by doing 300 squats. It's just mid-day and I still have hours to go before I sleep. I'm walking to work. (approx. 30 minutes)

How do I achieve faster weight loss?? I'm planning on working out every morning from now on, right after waking up. I'm still using the Intermittent Fasting plan so I only eat once a day. (have to watch calorie intake very carefully).. but that might mean having to forsake the ABC plan if I want to do more exercise. I don't know? We'll see how it goes... I want to start with a water fast again ASAP. It seems like this is the most effective method for rapid weight loss. I hate looking at my fats. I just hate my life. I will never be happy while I'm fat. My happiness is more important than my health. I just want to be skinny.

Chicken steamed bun (1 bun)
Red Bean Steamed Bun (1 bun)

approx 500 calories more or less. It's 3:00 pm. I have work later. Please, I hope my mind co-operates. I don't want to take in any more calories until tomorrow!!


Day 2

Just finished with Day 2. got in less than 500 kcals like I should

Lunch : Chicken and Celery Sandwich (362kcals) , VitaSoy Milk 250 ml (125kcals)

... feel like a fat lard. still invisible as fuck. i hate everything.



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November 2008


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